The C word

Yesterday my life changed forever. I got news that I wasn't completely ready for.

 

Let me back up just a little bit back in July I noticed a knot on the left side of my neck. It wasn't painful and didn't really bother me other than the thought that it was there. I didn't have insurance to just run off to the doctor to find out what it was. I was working for a company as a contractor and insurance just didn't matter. So end of August came around and I got a new job with insurance. I didn't think much about the knot at this point, I was just living and not worrying.

 

Well I joined our city gym and started to work out with my best friend. I felt good doing Pilates and going to other classes. One of the classes didn't turn out so well for me. I lost my breath and luckily there was an EMT taking the class and she checked me out to make sure that I was okay. I was, but just out of breath.

 

After that incident I didn't work out much again and my best friend helped me decide that I really need to get checked out by a doctor. So I scheduled an appointment to see my doctor. I went in and told him all that had happened and even told him about my knot. As soon as he touched it he said he would refer me to and ENT. I thought okay, no biggie. Thyroid or something minor.

 

About a week later I went to the ENT. She was awesome! She explained to me and the hubs everything that she was going to do. She ran a camera down from my nose all the way to my vocal cords to see if there was anything she could see that would cause me to lose my breath or a blockage. She didn't see anything. She felt around on my neck and feeling the knot too. She wanted me to have a CT scan and have dye injected to see what was going on. On Feb. 14th, I went in and got the CT scan done. Man, that was wild! That dye, weird! It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy but not in a good way. She said that in a week we would come back to review the scan.

 

The hubs and I went back and she showed us the scanned images. There were several lymph nodes in and around my neck. She was concerned and wanted to do a surgical biopsy and remove some to send off to find out exactly what it is. She scheduled the surgery for March 5th. I was scared to death. I had never had any kind of surgery except to have my wisdom teeth removed.

 

On March 5th we show up at the hospital at 7am. The hubs, my mom, his mom and I go up the elevator and they told my family that I have to back alone first to get set up and they would page them to come back to my little room. Right then my heart dropped to my stomach. I didn't want to be left alone at all! I went back and was ordered to undress and put on a purple paper gown. It was hot as hell! I was sweating like crazy! The nurse took a tube that blew air and attached it to my gown! Ahh! Much better! She then tried to start an iv. UGH! I have rolling veins so it is always a challenge when they start an iv on me. She couldn't find a good vein to start in. You know when you look at your wrist and you see that bone sticking out? She tried to run an iv there! I was upset because it hurt and I asked her to take it out. She said that she would get the anesthesiologist to start the iv. I thanked her.

 

Then she finally paged my family to come in. I was ready to get that mess over with. The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me and started my iv with no problem at all! Thank goodness! I was given some meds to ease my mind and after that I was wheeled off and I don't remember much after that. I woke up in recovery thirsty as all get out. The nurse there gave me some ice chips and took off. I can remember thinking "come back I want more!" She came back but took me back to my little room where my family was waiting for me. My Nana had shown up and I was happy to hear her voice. I was happy to hear every one's voice but she stood out for some reason. I was stiff and had to pee so bad. They let me get up and walk to the bathroom! I had the iv and a line that my mom was trying to help carry and I took it from her and rushed to the bathroom. I had to go that bad. ha!

 

Once they knew I could get around they let me get my clothes on and go home around 2pm. The ride home was rough. I felt every bump and it made me hurt a little. I tried to sleep the rest of the day but I never did. I didn't sleep well at night after that. I'm a side sleeper and I had to be on my back. The hubs said that I was a big baby that night trying to get in bed. He literally had to cradle me and lean me back into my pillow. For 4 days I was waited on hand and foot by the hubs. He is the best and most amazing husband ever! I couldn't ask for more!

 

Monday I returned to work and waited until Wednesday to get the results from the biopsy. Going into that ENT office and waiting was nerve wrecking! The hubs and my mom came with me for support. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  It's cancer. Great. Not what I wanted to hear. No one does. I've cried, and cried, and cried. I will get through this. I have to suck it up and deal with it. God is right here with me guiding the way. It's just so hard to accept the fact that I have cancer. The C word. I have many cheerleaders already and I'm thankful. I love my support group. Without them I would still be in pity party mode. Well, I still get that way, but who doesn't. We can't wallow in it. We have to fight it and be strong.

 

I will meet a cancer doctor in the next two weeks to get the process started to find out what stage it is in and what to course of action will be. I will keep y'all posted as much as I can! Peace, love, and chicken grease y'all! 

 

 

 

 

 



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