Thursday, September 03, 2015

Battles in my Brain


No one will ever realize the interior battles that come along with cancer. During cancer and after cancer. From what I have heard it could last the rest of my life. Let's hope not. I want to overcome these issues.

I constantly battle different issues in my head. One, confusion. I can get confused so easily. Not just the normal- 'I am not paying attention and didn't hear all that you said' confusion. I can hear you clearly, paying full attention, but after you walk away I am more confused than at the beginning of our conversation. The hubs and I battle this one out frequently. It doesn't happen all the time but you  can bet your tail I will let you know I am confused! Laugh it up! I know I do!

Two, forgetfulness. If I don't write it down, I WILL FORGET! If I don't write it down and then do it within 5 minutes- IT WONT GET DONE. Because I will forget about it and won't remember it either! So sticky notes are more of my best friend than they ever have been! Maybe I should invest in some 3M stock! I mean gah!

Three, I always want to be doing something. This probably goes along with feeling like I missed out on so much last year while I was kicking cancer's ass! I feel like I need to make up for lost time. That's a good and a bad thing. Good because I am able to go and do. Bad because I not only will wear myself out, I wear out my family, and our bank account. I have good intentions but sometimes it gets the best of me and then I just pitch a fit like a toddler or a 7 year old that I know! (spoiled brats we are!)

Four. When I talk I might say one word out of a whole sentence twice. Almost like a stutter. It's like my brain processed it twice and so I say it twice. I have learned to deal with it. Like the confusion it doesn't happen all the time. Just depends on how much is going on in my head!

These may seem normal to you once you read them, but these things didn't occur before or maybe they occurred just changed or intensified after treatment. I notice that I get frustrated and can't explain myself right then. I have to chill out a minute and then explain. I always use the "Chemo Brain" card. Chemo brain can be a frustrating and debilitating but I deal with it. My favorite motto in the last 2 years has been "It is what it is." That is how I try to be an overcomer!



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1 comment:

  1. Hey, at least you have a valid excuse! I think I do all or most of that quite frequently. Haha! I blame exhaustion and a little PTSD anxiety. Sigh.

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